Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
