i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
