Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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