I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
