Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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