I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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