I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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