Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It's just like the Real World with babies
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
