"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
well most of my day revolves around power hour
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
