put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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