you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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