my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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