I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
