your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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