Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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