Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
