You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I supernannyed him into submission
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
