hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just blew my weed a kiss
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I love you. Go after that dick
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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