I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I intend to get homeless drunk
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
