If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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