You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
