I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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