grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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