Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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