Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Need sex. Gaining weight.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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