Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
