Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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