Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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