If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
