my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You're like the curious george of whores
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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