the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
