is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
