I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
