I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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