We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I think i got beer on your cat.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
