We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
