can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
