Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
