hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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