Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
