"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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