pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
They have beer where we have blood.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
