Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
