I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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