I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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