I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
