I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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