and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
