I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
