Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
