Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
