please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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