I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
