when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
