i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
