You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
