I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
