By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
