Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
