Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
