Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
